John Denver Was a Fucking Pussy

I'm sorry, it had to be said. The man drove a plane into a lake. It was his own fault that he died. However, in life that man was a goddamned pussy. Here's why:

The song "Sunshine On My Shoulders" begins with the title line followed by the additional assy lyric "makes me happy." Now, I have been outside a lot in my life. I was once an avid camper and more than a couple of times have been to the beach or another sunny destination (Phoenix.) This 'sunshine' crap is crap. The sun isn't comfortable, it's hot. It is a burning, scalding, flesh-baking heliosphere just close enough to germinate the protozoa that mutated into our sorry excuse for a race. It isn't magical like the Aztecs believed. It isn't a God as the Greeks believed and it most certainly isn't as comfortable as a backward hug from a supermodel as John Denver's dead ass believed. I can't believe a man can achieve any level of fame with such trite and indecipherably vague (let alone lame) lyrics. But that isn't really the point. The point is that John Denver is a pussy. I know that I have not yet sold you on the idea that this plane-diving folk hero was indeed -and his corpse remains to this day- a pussy. So here's the meat in the sandwich... Bad analogy. Let's not defile the memory of a dead man with such a miserable analogy. Okay, here's the blackbox in the water: The Den' (as I call him) played sappy folksongs in the nineteen seventies. He and Donovan both suck. Damn. I keep missing the logic behind my outrageous attack. John Denver was a pussy because he wrote a song about sunshine and it's affects on his emotions. What a pussy. He also had bad hair, but that's another rant.